How Manipulators Don't Let You Pause
This excellent article by
tells us how to improve important decisions by adding a slight delay:With a few keystrokes and a single movement of his index finger, Justin permanently altered people’s perception of him. He branded himself. A grown man over a decade into his career threw a tantrum via email that had the entire team in awe of his bad decision-making.
All because he didn’t just give himself time to cool off and make a better decision.
It reminded me of two powerful executives I met who became office heads at their respective firms. Let me tell you their stories.
Mr. A, the narcissist
Mr. A was an effusive friend to his clients, a brilliant and energetic guy. Internally, Mr. A was a sharp boss able to pinpoint weaknesses in your arguments, relentlessly demanding immediate answers.
People couldn’t do right under him. You were well-prepared with a complex analysis of the current situation, and he inquired about a hypothetical scenario. If you came up with all reasonable scenarios, he wondered about unreasonable ones. Then, you brought a flexible model that can adapt inputs and calculations in real time. He inquired about the specific step-by-step drivers of change between these improved numbers and the client's analysts' rough estimates.
You learned to come irrationally well-prepared for meetings with him. Then, he complimented your analytical abilities but suggested developing management skills. Or delegation. Or business development. The goalposts always changed.
While his people still grow as consultants, they also become weary of the lack of recognition. He can make teams develop stellar work. Then, they leave his company for competitors. It continues to be a minor player.
Mr. B, the Machiavellian
Mr. B was a friendly foreigner to his clients, slightly aloof but interested in their business and success. Internally, Mr. B was a cold-blooded manipulator whose favorite tactic was the “deep silence.”
It was unforgettable how it worked. He asked you a question, and you answered. Then he didn’t reply, just kept staring at you with his cold, light-blue eyes. You became more and more uncomfortable. Haven’t you answered everything he asked? You talked more. He kept staring. You talked more. You started babbling. At some point, exhausted, you gave up. Then he moved on.
Working with him, you learned to stare back and stop talking where you wanted to stop. It was great learning. But Mr. B always had more advanced tactics, of course. He was a master in the art of making others uncomfortable and causing them to commit mistakes when he wanted to.
People become great power players under him. Nowadays, his firm is one of the largest in the market. It is also a hive of toxic back-stabbing internal politics.
Conclusion
The shared pattern is that they are both masters at making opponents commit mistakes. They accomplished the same goal through their different tactics: they emotionally destabilized colleagues and exposed exploitable weaknesses.
“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” - Napoleon Bonaparte.
If you can force them to make mistakes, so much the better. - Mr. A and Mr. B
Yes, one should be prepared to pause before making important decisions. One should also be ready to face people who will try to force them not to take pauses. And demand the right to pause and think.
There’s another lesson there, in case you’re wondering about using the tactics of Mr. A and Mr. B. They work; these guys rose to the top. But they also treat internal people as enemies and produce significant second-order effects.
If forcing mistakes is your tactic, you will attract people immune to these tactics in the long term through adverse selection. You may also destroy possible high-potential allies around you along your path.
If your goal is just personal power and money, that’s fine. If you care about collective consequences, other paths are more challenging but produce better results.
Until next time,
-Felipe
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